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 You don’t want the person you’re speaking with to think you want to move onto someone else “better.” But you don’t want to spend the evening sequestered in the corner with just one person. After a few minutes, it’s polite to excuse yourself by saying you want to refresh your drink.

 Some of my earliest friends in New York remember me as a wallflower. I was so nervous when people would ask me “What do you do?” That was a scary question, because I had yet to define the answer. These feelings can affect your presence in a space. I think it’s important to show up anyway and be who you are.

 Even if you forget who somebody is, pretend you remember them, because people hate it when you forget them. Just pretend you remember people, even if you don’t, because it’s just kind. One thing I’ve noticed is that people in New York sometimes pretend not to know you, even if they do, whereas people in D.C. pretend to know you, even if they don’t.

 The best way to make a bad impression is to complain. You may think you’re bonding with another guest by complaining, but that’s a cheap bond. You’re not adding anything when you say something like, “Can you believe how long it took to get here?”

 Relax. Everything is going to be fine. If you operate with the mind-set of “everything is going to be fine,” then everything is going to be fine. But if you stress out, then everything is going to stress you out.

 I have this theory that dinner guests fall into two different categories: “characters” and “glues.” Characters are big personalities, the life of the party. They are conversation-starters. Glues are good listeners. They’re soft-spoken and hold conversations together. You need the right balance. Too many characters will start competing for attention. Too much glue and things can get boring. When I put together a guest list, I think of it like casting a movie.

 This is one of the top three things a great guest can do for a host: Figure out the person who knows the fewest people or is the most socially awkward, and go talk to them for five minutes. They’re there because the host cares about them, presumably. And the host wants this person to have a nice time. You can help make that happen!

 I have a friend who talks a lot. People are excusing themselves to go to the bathroom when they get stuck with her. Try listening. When in doubt, try David Sedaris’s bizarre conversational icebreakers. “How long have you known your dentist?” You have to have a certain personality to pull that off.

 A party is not a therapy session. No one wants to hear your problems at a party. There’s the terrible renovation story that no one wants to hear. And no one wants to know what’s wrong with you physically. They’ll call you a bore. Tell a joke or two. Tell everyone they look great.

 There is a specific skill that is probably just charisma, but it’s when you know how to meet the energy of the person or group you are chatting with. I hate being asked very specific questions. Tell me a story. If it’s interesting, I’ll tell you one back. And around and around we’ll go.

 “Real Housewives” is always a good source of conversation, because these people aren’t real, but they remind you of people in your own lives. You can’t go wrong talking about scandals and celebrities. I hear a lot of things out there on the streets. People love to hear about that. It’s very Truman Capote. People want to drink the tea.

 A man in a dark suit checks a long dining room table before the guests arrive. The table is outfitted with a white tablecloth, wine glasses at each place setting, tulips in small vases and a pair of small lamps.

 When you invite people into your home, you need to let go. You can’t be like, “You can’t touch this” and “You have to take your shoes off” and “If you spill something, you are in trouble.” Hosting is letting your guests enjoy themselves.

 For hosts, don’t assume people are not allergic to things. Ask if there are any food allergies from the beginning. Emily Post would never have said that, but in the climate we’re in today, it can change the whole night.

 You have to be responsible. This one is a vegetarian, which is a new thing in today’s world, versus the old days, where you just served a meal. Today, you have to be very aware — vegetarian, vegan, all these things. And you do the best you can.

 As a hostess, always have something vegan, because the whole world is funny about food now. There should be a gluten-free, dairy-free vegan option, because if people don’t tell you beforehand, you’re like, “Here’s some lettuce.” They’re sitting there with an empty plate, and you feel terrible.

 If you’re going to have a sit-down, I love name cards. Now, my trick for name cards is to write the name on both sides, so if someone’s sitting at the table and doesn’t know the other person, they can read the name.

 The best decision I made when hosting a milestone birthday was asking people to stow away their phones upon arrival. It changed the entire dynamic of the evening. As the meme goes, “Not a cellphone in sight, just people living in the moment.”

 If you’re in someone’s house, don’t go secretly snooping around and posting photos. Also, take cues from the host. If they’re posting pictures, by all means post back. But never post somebody’s children. Unless you ask first, don’t even take their picture.

Female Stripper Scottsdale

 Gosh, I don’t think you can avoid certain topics in 2024. I think the world would be a better place if more people of different viewpoints broke bread and shared a glass of wine and talked about things.

 I think we are in a time of perhaps the most geopolitical instability I have seen in my lifetime — it would be odd to avoid such subjects. I recently sat next to a wildly well-informed media baron and asked him for his views on Trump, Biden, Ukraine and Putin, and I had a fascinating dinner. Ask people their views, be interested in others, and you will get invited back over and over.

 I had a dinner maybe a month and a half ago, and I invited a diverse group. It started with the whole can-you-believe-what’s-going-on-with-college-campuses type of thing. And it got so heated that somebody threw their drink across the table, looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit here if these are your friends,” and stormed out.

 The old adage says to avoid discussing politics or religion at a party, but politics are so all-consuming right now. It’s crucial to be thoughtful. The art of civil discourse appears to be lost, and I think it’s time to resurrect that.

 I was at a dinner party the other night with my husband, and he brought up what was going on in Israel with some Israelis. It got heated. It didn’t end in agreement, but they were able to be civil afterward, and I was impressed by that. I do think we actually live in an age where you should at least address some of the things that are happening. Don’t expect to solve anything — but we can’t ignore it, obviously.

 You can be cute. But don’t think you’re décor. Never show up empty-handed. Bring a bottle — vodka or tequila or white wine. Nothing worse than a bottle of red wine that spills. Offer to help make breakfast.

 When you’re staying at someone’s house, don’t use it as a hotel. And don’t sleep in. I can’t stand when people sleep in, in my house! And don’t leave your bed unmade. Fill the fridge. Unload the dishes. And make sure the matriarch of the family is happy. That is the way you get invited back.

 Here in the South, the topic of when to say when is not something that one has to consider. My favorite quote is from Dorothy Parker: “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three, I’m under the table. After four, I’m under my host.”

 But if someone has had too much to drink, I usually offer to help them get home and call them a car. They usually don’t realize I’m also pushing them out the door. I once had a guest who had too much to drink. He said goodbye, and I thought he had left. The next morning, the butler discovered him passed out on the dog bed!

 I know exactly how much alcohol I can have before I am not presenting myself well. I like people having fun, but slurring? You are not coming back, if you’re a slurrer. At a certain age, too, you just can’t do that anymore. The drug thing is not my thing, so I don’t get the mushroom party thing.

 I’m amazed at how, when I was using a lot of drugs and drinking a lot, how I really believed that everybody was doing it. And once I stopped, I was like, No, I was kind of the only one.

 I personally think saying goodbye is important. Especially to the host. But if you can’t find them, or if slipping out the door is the only way to get out, then a text saying goodbye should do. No matter what, I always send a text thanking the host and saying how nice the evening was. That goes a long, long way.

 I’m the biggest believer in Irish exits. I think that if you tell people you are leaving, it’s kind of disappointing, so why would you tell them? It raises this whole point of “You’re leaving?” And it pauses the whole vibe.

 One of the most fabulous things that my husband and I have experienced is, we were at dinner with Bette Midler, and she insists on doing the dishes, wherever she is, at her house, or at somebody else’s house. “I’m doing the dishes!” She needs to do the dishes. That’s probably one of the reasons she’s so successful — she knows she could do dishes, if she had to.

 This is a huge new thing in New York, where people no longer thank. I’m old enough and spoiled enough that, if I make an effort to give a dinner party and invite you, I hope you will acknowledge it. It’s just old-fashioned manners. When you’re invited, and you accept, you thank.

 If you had a good time, even if it’s a week later, call and say, “Just thinking of you today, thank you again for a beautiful evening.” Or put that on a card with a stamp and throw it in the mail. It’s lovely to get something like that. Handwritten cards are wonderful.